Mar 15 2012

Ladies- Buy More Stuff

Published by at 8:26 pm under Rants

If I see another article or hear another special on how 90%  (or 70% or 85%) of women don’t wear bras that are correctly fitted, I will probably go on a murderous rampage. Probably.

Listen, if you’re not in any physical pain because of your bra or the unsupported, pendulous weight of your bosoms — your bras are fine.

These articles only support two things (neither of which happen to be your tits):

1. The idea that the right bra will magically make you appear thinner, correct your posture, give you the kind of gazongas your boyfriend masturbates to.  Your bra will not cause you to shed pounds (unless it’s a sports bra and you’re currently working out).  A bra that manipulates your boobies can make them appear more full and more upstanding, but that doesn’t necessarily mean your posture is better – try yoga or dance class instead. And your stomach will still be your stomach, there will just be mountains on top. As for your boyfriend, he loves you just the way you are. Really, he does. If he didn’t, why would he stand awkwardly at Victoria’s Secret* holding your purse and browsing his phone?

2. The idea that you need to buy bras. More bras. More expensive bras. Buy the latest bra. Buy the greatest bra. Push-ups, inflatables, strapless, convertibles. Make sure you have enough to wear a different one daily. Make sure you hand wash them in children’s tears. No one wants you in your Wal-Mart bra. You disgust me.

A nice bra is a nice bra. It’s wonderful and it can be more supportive and more attractive (the bra is more attractive. Baby, you couldn’t get more attractive). But please, please, please – stop treating me like some idiot who can’t dress myself or who is doing irreparable harm to my body, and my relationships with others because my bra doesn’t fit correctly.

No responses yet

Leave a Reply