No, that’s not my bleak sentiment for the day, as fun as it is to remember ever-encroaching mortality. Nope, the title is coincidentally the title of a Type O Negative song. Their front-man Peter Steele died last week.
His death has sort of brought to a head lots of ideas swirling around in my head.
I believe kids around 12 or 13 start to form an identity to oppose the familial influences over them. My identity was, well, one of the goth kids. Don’t get me wrong, I never died my hair black or wore black lipstick. But I wore black t-shirts and jeans every day of the week, listened to the music and wished I was thin enough to wear the skanky goth clothes, not that my father would have (1). paid for it or (2). let me out of the house wearing it.
In my locker, there were three pictures. Trent Reznor, Peter Steele and David Bowie. I won’t tell you how but somehow me and a couple girlfriends got the pictures from the Playgirl shoot of Peter Steele. It may have involved the internet (Porn…on my Internet?!).
Anyway, that was my identity. For a few years anyway. But I never stopped listening to the music.
Recently, I had to explain some of my clothing to – well, I guess I’ll call him a coworker. I was wearing an older Jeff Buckley shirt, and he asked me about him so I explained his music and his death. A few days later I was in my favorite Elliott Smith hoodie and he asked me about that. So again, I explained about his music and his death. And my coworker looked at me and gravely said, “You need to stop hanging out with dead guys.” Maybe he was telling one of his trademark dry jokes, and I laughed but it made me think.
I don’t intend to give up music I enjoy. But for someone who used to define themselves based on music, life is getting kind of hard. Many of my favorites were dead before thirty.It’s starting to look like I’ll be alive for thirty. I mean, hell, I want to be.
An old friend once told me, surround yourself with people you want to be like. He said we all need role models for life. I admire the musicians I listen to in a lot of ways, but I’m starting to realize, maybe they’re not my role models for life.
In conclusion, the death of Peter Steele makes me sad. *sigh* It reminds me of so many adolescent fantasies gone unfulfilled.
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I had a few talks with dad about this over time — when Cobain died, when Shannon Hoon from Blind Melon died. Interesting discussions.
[playgirl isn't pr0n!
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Bowie is still around, Trent too. But yea… hm, idolizing musicians is something best left to the teenagers, I think.
Just wanted to let you know that telnet-based comment submission, as advertised on the Gopher version of your blog, doesn’t seem to work. I don’t actually have anything substantive to say — I just think it’s really awesome that you are still running a Gopher site.
As always, I found yours blog such a great reading material. Thumbs up.
Wow, I was dragged here from the GOPHER site!
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