May 13 2009
Crocs
Attention all people wearing Crocs:
You look stupid. Really, really stupid. You look like someone who spent $20 on an ugly, non-functional pair of shoes that occasionally leads to horrific escalator-related maimings. Oh, wait, you are someone like that.
Seriously, your shoes look stupid. Especially the new ones with the faux-fur inner lining that look like a cross between Crocs and fuzzy slippers. I can’t believe I’ve actually seen people wearing these in public. Even people on Yahoo! Answers, who are the second most stupid group of people on the Internet, are aware that these shoes are dumb.
Please stop. Unless you are at least as awesome as Mario Batali, just stop.
Mario Batali? Someone actually developed a business case, did some sort of market analysis and decided based on all the best data available that a fat ugly man who wears $39 orange plastic shoes was the perfect pitchman for $39 orange plastic shoes. Amazing. I am no longer relevant.
Dad
what is this, from 2006 or something?