Feb 02 2009
Groundhog == Woodchuck
Today I learned that a groundhog and a woodchuck are the same animal. How exactly I got through roughly two and a half decades of existence without learning this, I have no idea. My 10-year-old brother who’s into zoology could probably have told me this in a second.
My Dad used to say, “How much ground could a groundhog hog if a groundhog could hog ground?”, and I always thought he was just being stupid.
The weird thing is, I told Kara, and she didn’t know this either.
My world has come tumbling down around me. What else don’t I know?
No, no no, it’s “how much ground could a groundhog GRIND if a groundhog could grind ground”. I learned this either from a Dennis the Menace comic book or from Bullwinkle the Moose – can’t remember. It was my way of teaching you they were one in the same. Yet another parenting failure.
OK, let’s clear up a few other things.
1) Babies don’t have soft spots so that the nurses can carry five in each hand.
2) Your baby toes don’t fall off when your permanent toes come in.
3) You didn’t have your tail bobbed when you were a born.
4) Along a similar line, children are not really shaved monkeys.
5) “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”, “Baa Baa Black Sheep” and the ABC song are all the same melody.
If there are other things we need to discuss, please let me know.
Dad
wait, I thought a woodchuck was a bird…
Alex was serious by the way. I’ve failed you both…
Nobody’s perfect. I’m sure another 10 years or so of therapy will straighten me out.
You’re right, it was always “How much ground could a groundhog grind.” I don’t understand why this isn’t the more popular version. Groundhogs actually grind ground. I can’t imagine their wood chucking skills are significant with those little forearms. And yet:
Google for “How much wood could a woodchuck chuck”: 55,000 results
Google for “How much ground could a groundhog grind”: 107 results
Google for “How much muck could a marmot munch”: 0 results
Google for “How much soil could a squirrel scarf”: 0 results
Disappointing.
I also thought a woodchuck was a bird and not the same as a groundhog.
Dont forget your cooties cause It’s COLD out there!
Where are you from, Dan? I know you’re in Ireland now, but did you grow up there? I’d like to know how far-reaching this woodchuck problem is.
yea lived here all my life. never seen a groundhog in real life
Discussing groundhogs and woodchucks over gopher, I love it, that and telnet to comment, takes me back. THe Phlog is an amazing idea and perhaps even spambot proof. Best of luck!