Oct 31 2008
Happy Halloween…
When I was in Freshman English at a local community college, the instructor devoted a portion of the class to reading advertisements.
I don’t mean picking up a paper and reading through the classifieds. I mean, we studied advertisements, how they appeal to the audience, what advertisers are really selling us. I guess those skills come in useful everywhere when you’re trying to sort out what’s credible and what’s bologna.
But they also come in useful for reading things into something nonsensical. For example, this Halloween decoration a neighbor places outside every year.
You will notice that there is a cat peeking out from a jack-o-lantern, there is a spider looped around the cat’s paw like a yo-yo and the letters RIP, known to stand for Rest In Peace float above the cat.
Well, Michael and I decided that since the cat is supposed to be dead (given RIP), it’s a zombie cat. Somehow this cat was Resurrected In a Pumpkin. The toothsome spider is the cat’s right-hand man, probably he had something to do with resurrecting the cat. Spiders are crafty.
Anyway, watch out for resurrected cats this Halloween. And stay the hell away from jack-o-lanterns, as they are being used by spiders to resurrect cats, and those cats will eat your brains because that’s what zombies do. In fact, maybe the smartest thing to do is stay inside with a bowl of candy and some apple cider and just try to forget about how spiders are planning to take over the world by resurrecting cats, who are known enemies of mankind.
Edit: I wrote this entry last weekend. As it turns out, our cat has rapidly become our nemesis overnight. Michael replaced her silica litter with pine litter the other night. I feel it necessary to note here that I disagreed with getting new litter, but told Michael he could do whatever he wanted to, so long as he handled the consequences (I only note this because I have a little, bitter ego). She has used this new litter for pooping but apparently is angry enough about the litter switch to pee elsewhere. First, she peed in the living room last night. I attributed it to her being unable to reach her box at the time since I was in the shower and the door was closed to keep steam from damaging the property.
However, this morning she pulled a pair of my jeans into bed and peed on them IN THE BED, ON TOP OF ME. So our blanket is full of cat pee, it soaked through to our bed, she peed on my jeans AND she peed on me. I woke up and chased her around the house, caught her to give her a bath (since she pees all over her hindquarters) and then had to shower myself again. She is currently locked in the bathroom for the day. At least then she can only pee in a small area and may even be tempted to use her box. In any case, she’ll get her damn silica litter back, even though it costs twice as much as the pine litter (the original impetus for Michael to switch litter was cost, of course). Evil cat.