Oct 17 2008
The Pickup Artist Sucks
I was watching The Pickup Artist 2 on VH1 last night. I was watching mostly because they referred to the host Mystery as world-famous and I’d never heard of him. The premise of the show is that Mystery is going to help a few dorks to get laid. No, really, that’s the premise.
Before I go any further, let me show you a picture of Mystery.
Mystery - stolen but not hotlinked
I don’t know about you, but the last guy I want to take how to get laid advice from is a guy who he dresses and styles himself solely in Adam Ant’s tattered relics. For reference, a picture of Adam Ant.
Adam Ant - stolen but not hotlinked
And I mean no offense to Adam Ant - I was rocking out to one of his albums this past weekend.
Anyway, I was struck by the premise of the show because while a lot of those guys were annoying, none of them were so hideous or so irritating as to be completely unattractive to all women. Here’s the problem - these guys want to fit into a stereotypical mold.
I think of these shows the way I think of those stupid movies where you have that shy, librarian girl with the smoking hot bod who gets a makeover and then scores with the hottest guy in school. The thing that always struck me about it was this: By the time I was 16 or so, I was well aware of the kind of guys I had a chance with and I did not waste my time thinking about other guys. I guarantee you that every crush I had past the age of 13 was a guy who I had a pretty good chance of making out with if the cards fell the right way or if we were drunk enough.
So what does the show do? It brings these guys into a house with standard hotties and then the hosts take them to clubs to try out their skills. Which brings me to my list of problems with this show:
- All these shows teach dorks the same lessons:
- The trick isn’t picking one girl to talk to, it’s talking to as many girls as possible, because you’re bound to get lucky sometime.
- Most girls just want someone who is observant. They want a guy who listens to them but also picks up on physical cues. As Ursula says, it’s all about body language.
- How you present yourself - confidence, hairstyle, dressing to emphasize your best features - is important.
- Picking girls up in clubs is stupid. Really. Unless all you want to do is get laid, your better bet is to meet girls in class, at museums, at the gym, through friends, etc.
- If you are not attractive, not wealthy and not charming, your options for girls are more limited. You will probably not bag a hottie, at least not permanently. I think these shows inflate guys’ expectations for relationships. At some point in our lives, we have to realize we’re not all going to be able to date or screw the hottest ten percent of people. That’s partly why there’s pornography and strip clubs. I guess men have a harder time letting go of that fantasy than women.
- These shows focus on dating women like getting notches on your bedpost. It’s not about building a lasting or quality relationship. It’s about turning dorky guys into womanizing man-whores. Now, if you want to be a womanizing man-whore, more power to you. But it doesn’t really make quality tv, at least not in my mind.
- Finally, I think it’s stupid to let anyone advise you on your romantic life. It’s something you should sort out for yourself after making lots of mistakes and putting yourself out there.
I get that it’s harder for guys in the dating world because they often have to be the ones making the first move. I understand that because I’m a girl who has almost universally made the first move on every guy I’ve liked. I’ve been turned down. I’ve been laughed at. And that’s all part of it. But dating is not some secret, and neither is getting laid. People have been doing it for hundreds of years, and some of us are made for it and others of us are not. Keats had not the temperament of Byron.
Finally - really? Taking love advice from a guy named Mystery? Hell to the naw, folks. Hell to the naw.
Hey Kara,
I ran across your blog searching for that psycho the pickup artist — you have a great blog! I’m a therapist that helps people to build lasting relationships with people with whom they are comfortably matched. Sounds like you and Michael are happily coupled, and I very much like your advice here — you are right on. There are many simple rules that can help a guy find a girl, and like you say, it’s basically 1. talk to a lot of girls, respond to the ones that respond to you, don’t waste time with ones that don’t respond, looking for your match, not the hottest, richest, funniest girl in the room; 2. notice everything about the girl you’re with (not in a stalker kinda way, but in a fun way, pointing out how cute her good points and idiosyncrasies are), 3. confidence, being yourself, enjoying yourself, not taking yourself too seriously, having a sense of humor and fun, dressing like a casual person (no dirty tattered clothes and good shoes). What’s really interesting you say is “don’t let anyone advise you on your romantic life” — I see your point, I think, no one else can know what you see in another person and if they are right for you, … no one should ever say “she’s the one for you” or “you can do better than her”. People have to decide that for themselves. Your only point I have to disagree with is the “making lots of mistakes”, I find that I can help my clients by sharing with them the mistakes other people have made, letting them know what doesn’t work — and then helping them to chance the bad habits they can’t seem to control. What’s really interesting though, is one of my exercises I have my clients do is actually go to a bar and make mistakes to desensitize themselves – so when they do make mistakes, it wont be a big crushing blow. I actually have guys approach hot girls and say stupid lines that have no chance of working then walk away, just to get them used to talking to hot girls (build confidence) and to get them used to being rejected (makes rejection less painful) and to exercise their sense of humor. So yea, making mistakes is good – we learn from them – and letting other’s know what mistakes we’ve made helps them too. Anyway, I liked your blog so much, would you mind if I put a link to your blog from my webpage?