Oct 16 2008
In which I make fun of the Mentally Ill, Bloggers
I was reading through blogs the other day because it’s what I do when I run out of work and don’t feel like doing my schoolwork. And something struck me about blogging, it was this:
Many women bloggers have social anxiety.
I relate to them, at least on that bit. When I wasn’t on medication, my symptoms became steadily more pronounced, to the point where I would drive somewhere to shop and turn around once I got to the store because I couldn’t stand the thought of facing people. I mentally run-through phone conversations before I can call someone (excluding a few friends and Michael). I could go on and on. But the point is this: if you have social anxiety, your most inherent problem is being self-centered.
That sounds mean. But take a step back. Social anxiety stems, at least for me, from the thought that other people are constantly watching and making negative judgments. It’s a lot easier to go out in public when you remember that most people couldn’t give a crap about you. Most people don’t care if your socks don’t match, they don’t care if you haven’t brushed your hair for three days and they aren’t going to judge you over a thirty second meeting wherein you don’t lift your eyes from the ground.
Blogging, too, stems from the idea that someone actually gives a crap about the minutiae of your life. The sad thing is, some people do. Readers of a socially-anxious blogger just feed that person’s self-obsession, which just creates an even greater problem for them, when you come down to it.
I doubt the internet has helped to solve anyone’s emotional problems, no matter what people want to say about a “community” anyway. I don’t need people who don’t know me IRL to support my craziness. I need the people who do know me to tell me what’s acceptable and what’s not. Because I’m part of a larger, real-life community wherein I have to be sane enough to shop, to drive, to work, etc.
Still, isn’t it funny that the technology that makes touchy-feely moments possible also brings me lots of disturbing porn?
PS. This blog is different (of course) for a couple reasons:
- Michael and I discuss matters relating to things outside ourselves most of the time.
- We haven’t cluttered this blog up with ads so we make no money off of you viewing our page.
- I fully admit that I am self-centered. Now bake me a pie and rub my feet while I tell you about my day.
This blog isn’t self-indulgent? Pull the other one. In a typical month here, it’s you, me, and about 450 other people. Tumbleweeds, by internet standards.
Most people, if they were locked in an empty room for all eternity, would go insane or invent elaborate fantasy worlds. Bloggers would stand in the middle of the room and make speeches. We are modern-day pamphleteers — occasionally insightful, always self-aggrandizing.
Also, what has been up with your hair recently? Geez.
Meh, at least we know it’s self-indulgent and we have the viewership to prove it.
I don’t ever lie to myself and think, gee, I’m really making a difference out there by blogging. I’m not touching anyone with my words here. I’m just yelling in a very large, mostly empty room because the echoes sound cool. Actually, it’s not even a room, it’s like one of those cheap plastic microphone things that echo. Those things are awesome. I want one in my stocking this year.