Jun 25 2008
Michael is Scary
Last night, after an evening meeting and super-late bus for Michael and a load of errands for me, we decided to deviate from our scheduled meals and eat out at a local chain restaurant. We were seated next to a mother, father and their two children (a daughter of about 6-8 years, a son of about 4-5 years). The back of Michael’s seat was also the back of the seat for the mother and the younger son, who was getting restless and kicking his sister, crawling under the table - in short, doing the things that younger kids do when they get restless.
After a meaningless threat from his father, “You won’t get any icecream” (after it was ordered and they’re sitting waiting for it), the mother started talking to him in low, mommy-means-business, tones.
And she told her son that if he didn’t behave, she would let the man behind him beat him up. The man behind him was Michael.
Never mind that making idle threats to your children is a really idiotic way to get them to behave or respect you. Dragging a stranger into the discipline of your child is even more idiotic. After they left, I told Michael that since she had chosen to involve him in discipling the child, he ought to have a say in how it would be done. He said he would beat up the mother after he was done with the kid. We laughed and continued eating.
You’re encouraging your children’s fear of others, and also encouraging their disrespect for YOU. Children should behave because their parents told them to, and when they don’t, their parents punish them. If I had been misbehaving in a restaurant, I would have been taken outside and reprimanded. Heck, all it would have taken was a warning glare from my father to get me to shut up. But I probably wouldn’t have misbehaved, because going out was a special occasion (think a couple times a year) and we all had to be on our very best behavior. We wanted to be because it was a treat to go out and sit with adults, to be able to order what you wanted and have a whole meal to yourself! A luxury, especially for a picky-eater like me.
I wouldn’t rant about this if it hadn’t happened to Michael before. I have never had this happen to me or anyone I’ve known before, but somehow everyone thinks Michael would be a great disciplinarian for their kids. Once, Michael and I went on a double date to a baseball game and a nearby parent said to their wandering kid, “If you don’t get back here, that bad man will take you!,” referring to Michael.
First of all, why do parents think teaching their children that anyone they don’t know is a “bad” man? Strangers aren’t necessarily bad - strangers have helped me change my flat tires, they’ve helped me find my mom when I was bawling as a kid in the store. Heck, if your kid ever needs a police officer because something is wrong, that man or woman will be a stranger. So stop teaching kids to fear people they don’t know! Your kids will be smart enough to know if something or someone is “bad” if you give them a good sense of personal autonomy and boundaries.
Second of all, please don’t make Michael responsible for your kids behavior. He didn’t have your damn kids, he isn’t raising the beasts, and he shouldn’t be scaring them into submitting their wills to mommy or daddy. That’s not the way he would choose to discipline any kid. But you don’t leave him any choice.
Finally, what is it about Michael? He’s not intimidating at all. He’s not that built. He’s not that tall. He’s not loud. He’s not angry. He looks thoughtful, speaks quietly, smiles frequently. Is it strictly a question of gender? Do any other men get turned to this way when a child needs to be disciplined?
Maybe this bugs me more than it should. But the way people treat their children really bothers me sometimes, especially when they bring my husband into the equation with their idle threats. Listen, you raised your kids from Day 1, if they don’t respond to you - you’re doing something wrong. Change it and their behavior will change. It’s not rocket science.
I don’t mind kids acting like kids in a family restaurant (the parents of those kids ticked me off more than the kids doing restless kid things), but it should be pointed out: Every group in the restaurant, minus Michael and I and a couple tables of teenagers, had young children. All of those kids were on their best behavior from what I saw. So even if it’s in a child’s nature to misbehave, a lot of parents find a way to keep them under control, at least for an hour or so.
PS. Michael isn’t scary. He is harmless. The most he could do is instill in your children a very dark and surreal sense of humor. They would never be the same.