It’s time for my weekly trawl through the 4d2.org spam quarantine. This time I thought I would critically review spam messages, in the interest of improving the quality of future spam.
So without further ado, here are my favorite spams of the week:
Spam subject line: “SEXUALLY-EXPLICIT: breaking japan finish woods spot blake federer xA1gzbq3ug8gNfgN9u63oQ”
Why it is awesome: Describes my most perverse fantasy precisely.
Why it is lame: Fails to deliver on its promises: message text is “lketl6k vv9q 2au f61 f1xkrg0 6a1lk3vcj zf98 o2xe b05g wtze6dhx 5 3x5ek bzn030a fr22 4ngn w16h4 ehey mx8r whpm ko t0ce rft6 ytp42 2hfps xfaj .”
Spam subject line: “Your friends will be amazed with all your chixs!”
Why it is awesome: I got dozens of messages, with varying subject lines, that all use this same peculiar plural.
Why it is lame: Everybody knows the plural of “chix” is “chix0rz.”
Spam subject line: “Guitarfish Uterus”
Why it is awesome: The coolest band name ever.
Spam subject line: “It’s ‘Whaazzzzzzzzz up!’”
Why it is awesome: It makes no sense at all, like Spam Dada.
Why it is lame: I have no idea what it’s about; the message body was blank.
Spam subject line: “GET BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELY [REPLY ASAP]”
Why it is awesome: Same message repeated twice for the Hard of Reading.
Why it is lame: Nigerian scam.
Spam subject line: “washroom bratwurst”
Why it is awesome/lame: Worst product idea ever.
Spam subject line: “Hizer Mills showed in a court video about heavy life with Maccartni”
Why it is awesome: Speaks to my interests. I have been following the Mills-Maccartni drama intently.
Spam subject line: “Free Colon Cleanse – Why Diet? – Flush 20 lbs Today”
Why it is awesome: You could poop 20 pounds.
Why it is horrifying: You could poop 20 pounds.
2 Comments
why do some of these read like alex’s newsletter?
I’m pretty sure “Guitarfish Uterus” will be the name of my first child.
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