Check out the article here, about a group at Harvard supporting abstinence-until-marriage.
This article offends me, if only because their basis for refusing sex is ill-formed. They give one quote in the article to refute the stance that pre-marital sex leads to the inability of women to bond, leads to emotional problems, etc. Then the author devotes paragraphs to oxytocin bullshit, when if these group-members really thought it was responsible for bad bonding, would refuse to hug or kiss their partners.
They argue that abstinence-until-marriage will lead to the best sex within marriage, which seems a rather faulty claim. Knowing how to communicate well, and what turns you on or feels good is what leads to good sex, things that most people could not possibly know without masturbating – which the group is also against.
But what offends me most is that the leader of the group holds herself up as a feminist and seems disgusted by sex, by people’s bodies and her views reflect a traditional and rather demeaning idea of what men do or think. She reacts in shock to the mention of masturbation, describes oral sex as “disgusting and disrespectful” (even in the context of marriage?) and paints men as being neanderthals, really.
Meanwhile, back here in the real world – masturbation is a great way to get to know and appreciate your own body, oral sex is a wonderful way to express love and joy with your partner, and men are as varied as the day is long.
I’ve gone into college, seen the hook-up scene and refused it while embracing my own body and sexuality, and without disgust for sex or for men. I simply set towards finding people who shared my values and establishing relationships with those shared values. That’s how I met my husband.
If you’re abstinent because you want to form a strong emotional bond with someone before bringing physicality into it, I have nothing but respect for you and for your opinion. If you want to express disgust for sex and the physical form under the guise of abstinence-until-marriage or feminism, I think you’re an ill-informed idiot.
2 Comments
thumbs up!
Post a Comment