Mar 10 2008
Diets and Losers
I have been of the belief for a while now that when attempting to overcome a personal obstacle, the worst people to talk to about it are people who have already overcome that same obstacle. Or what they say is the same obstacle, never mind that no two people are the same, therefore any obstacle placed before those two different people will have to be dealt with differently. This is a bit of a convoluted way to say what an example can paint perfectly.
My dad died when I was 17. The most obnoxious thing in the world was people coming up and telling me they “knew” how I felt. How dare anyone presume to know my private pain? I don’t presume to know what losing my father was like for any of my siblings, for my mother, for my father’s siblings, for my cousins or for the cat that climbed onto his sweater and napped on it for many months. I can relate to them, but I don’t know how it impacted their private lives, within their private hearts and I certainly can’t presume to know how to lead them on the path through pain. Because the path I chose was right for me at that time and place.
Transfer this bit of “thoughtful” presumption into overcoming personal problems, like, I don’t know, quitting smoking, dieting, exercise. And watch how quickly the conversation goes from civil to gouging someone’s eyes out with a salad fork.
I am reminded of this frequently as I peruse internet discussions about weight-loss. Let me state, for the record, I am seldom a commentor on any internet discussion, because I know the grade of people who populate the internet. I’m not online to argue with anyone or piss anyone off. I’m online to collect information, different viewpoints, and engage in thoughtful conversation. I’m also online to find absolutely absurd things people say and send them to Michael so we can make jokes, or to send him a picture from icanhascheezburger.com
But I read, incessantly, internet discussions. The diet ones are usually pretty good to get me going. Like when people over-simplify our relationship with food into calories intake/outtake.
Listen, folks. I agree that being obese is unhealthy. I agree with this statement as an obese nearly 23-year old woman. I’m proud of my body for sticking with me for so long without failing me yet, but I’m perfectly aware that if I stay on this path, I am hurting it, probably beyond repair. That’s a scary thought. It’s an overwhelming thought. It’s a thought that doesn’t make me eager to jump out of bed, and run a few miles – probably because of my problems with depression, social anxiety, and generally the scary idea of people judging me.
I’m not arguing that people shouldn’t take honest looks at themselves and really think about why they’re fat. The reason, for most people, will not be strictly genetic or hypothyroidism. It will include over-eating, making poor food choices and maintaining a sedentary lifestyle. But a lot of people also have kids, budgets, not a lot of time, and not a lot of safe space to go out and get exercise. They don’t know how to eat right, how to cook healthfully and that’s a skill that takes time. These are obstacles people have to work through without even touching the emotional obstacles that cause people to over-eat or that make it hard for people to go to the gym. Those issues are often more challenging than finding time or space.
I try to remind myself how great my body felt in shape, but so often that thought process turns into how I could let myself become this. You can’t magically start eating well and exercising while you hate your body, and hate yourself for where you let yourself slide.
As for me, my “diet” hasn’t really worked out, largely because I feel like I’m denying myself things. Instead of limiting what I eat, I’m trying to get a better idea of serving sizes and sticking to that. While I lost weight at first, as soon as I stopped keeping a log of what I eat daily and weigh daily – I gained most of it back. And I’ve been uncharacteristically avoiding exercise, which has been the only thing I’ve ever done that really made me enjoy my body, largely because of my embarassment at how I got here (the short list – marriage, 40-hour work weeks, maintaining a house, emotional issues, dietary changes).
To all the fatties – solidarity! Don’t let the man that lost 50 pounds get you down by oversimplifying the process. Let’s take it one step at a time, see what works and what doesn’t. Let’s work together on this. Let’s promise each other and ourselves that when we lose weight, we won’t be the obnoxious has-beens that think they can solve everyone’s weight problem with one answer.
“Instead of limiting what I eat, I’m trying to get a better idea of serving sizes and sticking to that. ”
moderation in everything! as the immoderate Greeks said. (paraphrasing from a L’Engle book)
you may find it worthwhile to check out the weight watchers Flex plan. It’s all about moderation and eating what you want within reason (and getting in your veggies and water and stuff, which I don’t think you have a problem with). I actually -don’t- like flex for certain reasons, but its base tenet is basically what you’re saying here. People doing it may have some tips that might work for you, even if you don’t follow it per se.
[also, do you spell it 'exercize' for some reason I'm missing? heh.]
dagnabit. I always spelled it ‘exercize’, I think because it made since to me in the context of similar words. I only recently found out that was the wrong spelling, despite every spellcheck in the world telling me otherwise. meh, time to run back and do an edit.