The only one I have a problem with is #5, because it’s open-ended enough that it might encourage the reviewer to write an actual movie review instead of finely-honed praise/ranting.

I would change #5 to read:

5. One person involved in the production of the film must be given a prestigious award, and one person must be cast into an active volcano. Who should receive each of these fates and why?

Obviously, cast, crew, writers, producers are all eligible. You’d also have to answer both halves of the question whether the film was excellent or terrible.