Dec 20 2007
Jamie Lynn Spears
I don’t often discuss entertainment news, but this piece of news is particularly enlightening on several levels. I’m linking to a Washington Post article where the author brings up two points that I also thought of while reading the many news postings yesterday about Jamie Lynn Spears pregnancy at sixteen.
One – the fact that it happened to a girl so many people viewed as a “role model” proves the point that pregnancy can happen to any girl whose engaging in the act of sex. Here, I would like to make another point. Many of the young people we view as “good,” “moral,” and “role models” are choosing to engage in sexual acts as teenagers. Where I disagree with the author is my feeling that choosing to engage in sexual acts does not refute their “goodness” or their “role model” status, but choosing to stupidly engage in sexual acts does.
Stupidly engaging in sex acts is exemplified by Spears’ assertion that both she and her boyfriend (19 years old) were “shocked” because the pregnancy was “totally unexpected.” A reasonable person engaging in sex acts understands pregnancy occurs as a result of the sexual act. When a responsible person engages in sex, they have to expect that there might be consequences of that act, including, but certainly not limited to, pregnancy.
What I haven’t really seen a lot about is the whole issue of the fact that she was dating a nineteen year old guy. I remember sixteen year old guys and I remember nineteen year old guys, and the nineteen year old guys are a whole lot more insistent about having sex. A sixteen year old girl dating a nineteen year old boy is already at a disadvantage because of her own lack of maturity. Sixteen year old me wouldn’t have been likely or able to say no to sex, certainly not within the context of a relationship, certainly not in a relationship with a nineteen year old guy, (who, chances are, isn’t a virgin).
Not only does her lack of experience mean she’s more likely to be coerced into sex with that guy, it also means she’s less likely to argue with him about “little” things like putting on a condom or not having sex during the more fertile times in her cycle. She’s not even likely to understand the more fertile parts of her cycle, or even to be able to predict them accurately if her cycle is still in the process of sorting itself out. It took until my twenties before my period stopped going all goofy on me. Her age isn’t a disadvantage just in terms of dealing with pregnancy – it’s what led to the pregnancy in the first place.
Why any parent would trust their sixteen year old daughter to engage in a relationship with a nineteen year old boy makes no sense to me. I understand that as a parent you can’t prevent it, but you can certainly open up a dialogue with your child including thoughts like, “no one should ever make you feel pressured about sex,” “I would hope you would come talk to me with any questions about sex and we could find the answers together,” etc.
Finally, I really hope people will just leave the issue alone. It’s hard enough to be a teen mother, bringing society’s views and criticisms into the fold makes it even more challenging (what teen mother can escape those criticisms, though?). What I hope, but know won’t happen, is that this could spur discussion within our society about what our kids are doing and have been doing and the risk they’re putting themselves in without having all the information they need to make responsible choices. But most people will dismiss it and say it could never happen to their kids, because they raised them better than that.
It doesn’t matter how you raise your kids by the time they’re teenagers, it matters how they govern themselves and if they can govern themselves. And that’s something you have to teach them by giving them independence and access to any information they might need. It’s something you teach them by creating a safe and open environment where they feel free to be independent and make their own choices. It’s also an environment you create by engaging in non-judgmental discussion with your children and honestly listening to them and respecting their thoughts. It’s not a miracle that I have friends who grew up in households like that, had sex throughout high school, and did not end up pregnant. They were a little bit lucky, extremely responsible and actively sought out the information they needed about sex. They grew up in households that gave them that opportunity.
Sex isn’t evil. Sex in highschool isn’t evil. That’s not to say sex can’t be evil sometimes (when it’s not done right), just to say that maybe if we started from that point (sex isn’t bad, sex is natural), we could prevent teen pregnancy.
K.