I have personally vowed NEVER to set foot in a movie theater unless it’s an independent theater. I have a lot of reasons for this.
Reason 1: Parking always sucks at movie theaters. You spend for freaking ever looking for a space and end up miles away. Plus, everyone else is looking for a space and driving like derelicts.
Reason 2: Movies cost too much. If you’re a working adult, it’s hard to go to matinees, except for weekends or holidays, when everyone else is guaranteed to be at the movies. So you end up shelling out $10 bucks a person for something you can illegally download and watch in the comfort of your own home. If we all stopped going to movies, they’d have to lower the price to get us back in there. Although, seeing how the music industry handled that shenanigan, they would probably just sue college students and people’s grandmothers. Sidenote: I want to know how much money they think they saved in terms of profit margins by refusing to lower the price on cds but by spending money on legal fees and court costs. Because I doubt it was that much.
Reason 3: Everyone wants to see the same two or three movies. And when those are sold-out, they fill up other theaters because they’ll be darned if they’re leaving the movie theater and that badass parking space they got. You end up with people talking and complaining throughout a movie that you actually wanted to see because it was the only movie in the place that wasn’t completely idiotic and vacant.
Reason 4: Cellphones. People talk on them. People play games on them next to you and the light hurts your eyes and distracts you from the movie. Cellphones are like badly behaved children – the people in charge never do a damn thing to discipline them and think you should be so impressed and awed by how cute they are. I’m not.
Reason 5: Those goshdarn whipper-snappers. I don’t think I need to elaborate on this one.
Reason 6: Concessions. They keep getting more and more expensive. And now places are offering you chicken fingers and fried shrimp at the theater. I don’t want to smell that shit while I’m trying to watch a movie. Popcorn is relatively non-offensive, but the same cannot be said about shrimp or chicken. Plus, I feel sorry for the people who have to clean up after the fact.
No really, I don’t want to sound old, but I haven’t had a pleasant experience in any movie theater recently except for two.
1. The Charles in Baltimore. Even when the movies suck, the place is so inherently Baltimore that it’s fabulous. I’ve never had to park far away, even when it’s packed. It’s always 8 bucks a person. And there are plenty of little restaurants close by to grab a bite after or before the movie.
2. Bowtie Cinemas, Annapolis Harbourtown Center. Despite the prices being equal to most theaters – the place isn’t generally that crowded and it shows its age, which I like in a theater. It reminds me of what movie theaters looked like when I was a kid. Talk about retro.
K.
The contents of this blog may not reflect the views of webmaster of doom, Michael.
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