Jan 24 2006
Stupid Customers
Now, I know it’s not fair to call the customers in an electronics store stupid — after all, the majority of them are probably decent, upstanding human beings. But when high-tech and everyday necessity collide, there are often unfortunate results. The following are misusages and bizarre substitutions for a variety of computer-related terms, all of which I have heard uttered at least once by a customer in a “big box” electronics store.
Correct term: computer
Customers say: CPU; modem; hard drive; “Dell box”
—–
Customer: I think something is wrong with my modem.
Me: OK, what’s happening?
Customer: The screen is blank.
Me: When you’re trying to connect to the internet?
Customer: *blank stare*
Me: So when is the screen going blank?
Customer: It never comes on. My modem is broken.
Me: Modem?
Customer: You know, the Dell box.
Correct term: mice
Customers say: mouses; mices (on rare occasion)
—–
Customer: Where are your computer …
* very long pause *
Customer: … mouses?
Correct term: SanDisk (flash memory manufacturer)
Customers say: ScanDisk (Windows file system check utility)
—–
I can only guess this is the result of Windows 98 and ME insisting on running ScanDisk whenever a computer is improperly shut down, resulting in lots of exposure. Fully 75% of the customers I encounter on a daily basis make this error.
Correct term: USB Flash Drive (or JumpDrive, or thumb drive, or pretty much anything else except…)
Customers say: Memory Stick (Sony’s proprietary flash memory card)
—–
Customer: I need a memory stick.
Me: Do you know if you need the pro or duo variety?
Customer: *blank stare*
Me: Is it for a camera or a PSP?
Customer: To plug into my computer.
Me: To plug into a USB port?
[lengthy discussion concerning the nature of USB ports]
Customer: Yes.
Correct term: flash memory card
Customers say: film
—–
Customer: I need some film.
Me: Would you like 200 or 400 speed?
Customer: No, for my digital camera. The smaller kind.
Correct term: MP3 player
Customers say: iPod
—–
Customer: Where are your Sony iPods?
Correct term: Internet
Customers say: my Internet
—–
Customer: There is a problem with my Internet.
I blame the President for this one. If there are “Internets,” then we must all have one, right?
Correct term: Norton AntiVirus, McAfee VirusScan, Webroot SpySweeper, Microsoft AntiSpyware, and many others
Customers say: spyware
—–
Customer: I need to get some spyware.
Me: Ummm … OK.
Customer: I hear Norton is good.
Correct term: RAM; hard disk space; CPU speed
Customers say: memory
—–
Customer: My computer needs more memory to run this game.
Me: How much memory does it have now?
Customer: 1.7 GHz.
Me [trying again]: OK, what model is it?
Customer: Pentium.
Correct term: wireless router; ethernet router; cable modem; DSL modem; many others
Customers say: wireless
—–
Customer: I need to connect my xbox to my wireless.
Me: OK, so you need some sort of wireless adapter for it?
Customer: No, just a cable.
Me: To … connect your xbox … to the wireless.
Customer: Yes.
Me: A wire, in fact.
Customer: Yes.
Correct term: Sony PlayStation; Nintendo GameCube
Customers say: Nintendo PlayStation; Sony GameCube
This happens with depressing frequency. Why say the brand name at all?
Correct term: recordable CD media
Customers say: blank diskettes; floppy disks
—–
Customer: I need some diskettes.
Me: OK, we have 3 1/2″ floppies.
Customer: No, I need RWs.
Me: CD-RWs?
Customer: Yes.
This last one happened only a few days ago. The rest are culled from about a year of standing in electronics stores in various capacities. In the interest of full disclosure, some of these conversations are combinations of two different conversations, but I don’t think any of them are too far from the truth. I certainly couldn’t make this crap up if I tried.